The Art and Science of Praising Your Teenager

Hello, amazing parents! Welcome to a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately—the right and wrong ways to praise your teenager. Now, you may be thinking, "Is it even possible to mess this up? Compliments are always good, right?"

Well, I'm here to tell you that the way you praise can significantly impact your teen's mindset, their approach to challenges, and even their academic success. Let's dive right in!

The Impact of Praise

You probably know that teenagers struggle with various aspects of executive functioning like organization, time management, motivation, focus, and memory. So, naturally, you want to encourage them, to spur them on toward success. But did you know that how you praise can either build confidence and a love for learning, or it can push them into a fixed mindset where they shy away from new challenges?

The Work of Dr. Carol Dweck

Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist at Stanford University, presented the groundbreaking theory of fixed versus growth mindset. In a fixed mindset, you hear phrases like, "I'm no good at math, so why bother?" In contrast, a growth mindset says, "Even though this is hard, I can improve with effort."

The Science of Praise

So, here's the kicker—Dweck's research indicates that when you praise the person rather than the action, you're inviting trouble. So, what's the golden rule here? Praise the verb, not the noun. Praise the action, not the person.

For example, instead of saying, "Gavin, you were the MVP of that game," say, "Gavin, you never gave up during the game, even when your team was down." The difference is subtle but powerful. The first praises Gavin as a person, which could discourage him from taking on new challenges. The latter praises his effort and encourages him to keep pushing his limits.

Real-Life Examples

Here's another example to drive this point home. Instead of telling your daughter, "You're so smart, you should take AP classes," try saying, "You manage your time well, and you aren't afraid to ask for help. Those AP classes could be within your reach." See the difference? You've praised her skills and strategies, not her inherent abilities.

Praise Creates a Virtuous Cycle

And this isn't just motherly advice; it's backed by hard data. When kids are praised for their actions, they're more likely to engage in more challenging tasks in the future. They don't just bask in the glow of being called smart; they aspire to prove it over and over.

Final Thoughts

Parents, the truth is we're all human. We're all likely to make mistakes that might leave a small, unintentional scar on our kids. But, with this strategy, I know you'll get it right. You're not just saying words; you're shaping a mindset. You're building resilience, self-confidence, and a love for challenges. And that's the real win, isn't it?

So go ahead and praise your teenager—just make sure you're doing it the right way.

Thank you for being incredible parents. You're doing a fantastic job, and I can't wait to hear how these techniques are changing your life and the life of your teen.

Until next time, I wish you all A's in every endeavor!