Why Lowering Expectations May Be the Key to Your Teen’s Success

Lowering Expectations for Greater Success

As parents of teens with ADHD, we often wonder if we should push harder or back off when our kids struggle. One of the most surprising and effective strategies I share with parents is this:  Sometimes the best way to help your ADHD teen grow is to lower expectations and increase support.

I know this feels counter to everything we’re taught about parenting — especially when you know how bright and capable your teen really is. But when expectations are set higher than their current skills allow, our teens are left feeling defeated, overwhelmed, and disconnected from us.

Instead, by lowering expectations just enough to meet them where they are, and scaffolding them with more support, we create the conditions they need to grow and succeed — and strengthen our relationship with them along the way.

💡 How to Lower Expectations and Scaffold Effectively:

✅ The 80% Rule
Before expecting your teen to handle something on their own, ask:

“Do I have evidence that my teen can handle this task and complete it independently with 80% success?”
If not, it’s time to collaboratively support them with scaffolding.

✅ Scaffolding Means Doing With, Not For
Scaffolding is about working alongside your teen until they build the necessary skills — like time management, emotional regulation, and task initiation. Examples include:

• Sitting with them to plan out homework and deadlines.
• Body doubling (working alongside them to stay focused).
• Checking their planner together each day.
• Collaborating on systems for organization and follow-through.

✅ Why This Works
When you adjust expectations to their real skill level and scaffold their growth, your teen feels:

• Understood and supported, not judged.
• More confident and willing to try.
• Motivated to work with you, instead of resisting. 

💪 Remember, lowering expectations is not giving up — it's aligning with reality to build real skills. And scaffolding is not coddling — it's empowering your teen to eventually do more on their own.

📺 If you'd like to hear more about how to apply these powerful shifts, click below to watch my latest video:
👉 Watch the full video here